Parents always claim that they're rationing their kiddo's sugar intake for the sake of their child's dental health. It's for their own good, right? Well, we see right through you, Mom and Dad, the real reason you're cutting sugar from your kid's diet is because kids are completely insufferable when they're on a sugar high and unbearably cranky when they're on the come-down.

Nobody knows how to push a person's buttons quite like a spouse.

Once you work at a restaurant that serves coffee, you realize just how weirdly people take their morning beverage — loaded up with creamer, sugar, and flavoring. When I worked at a restaurant, I always was weirded out by people who would order a small coffee, and then add 10 sugars, 15 creams, and 5 pumps of flavor. It would cost extra money , and there would be literally a tablespoon of coffee in the drink after adding all that other stuff. But there were regulars who ordered their drinks like…

Oh boy.

Huh. Alright then.

Guilty as charged.

If you say so, man.