sister

Little Sister: Dad, you're putting butter in a cup! Who does that?! Me: Cool people. And dad. Dad: Just when I thought you were smart, you had to say something like that to prove how unsmart you is! Me: I'm not the one who said "unsmart."

(Six year old sister runs up behind me, pours glitter on me, and pushes me out the door into the sunlight.) Me: What was that for!? Sister: Now you're Alice! Me: What? What the- Sister: She's a vampire. From Twilight. You wouldn't get it. Me: No, I wouldn't get it. Sister: Tell me what's gonna happen next!

(Talking to sister about a long string of failed relationships.) Sister: Y'know, I've given up on men. Too much hassle. Me: You should try women. Sister: Been there, done that, collected their t-shirts. Mother: (Walks in absent-mindedly) You should try horses.... Sister: Yeah, probably.