romance

Wasn't yesterday just fanfuckintastic? A ton of lovedrunk, pie-eyed couples aspiring to realize their dreams of finally living out the rom-com movie they loved, and you loathed...madly running around for overpriced dinners, and budget-obliterating bottles of wine at tastefully overcrowded candlelit ristorantes (cause that's how you fancy spell restaurants, right) staffed by polished and meticulously groomed waiters that expect nothing less than the hefty kind of tip that'll send a man into a brothy sea of Top Ramen till next paycheck. Yeah, all rants aside. The 'holiday' is over, and these people brought their A game on Twitter when it came to expressing their 'Valentines Remorse' or lack thereof.

Well, that seals the deal: we're all getting lucky in one way or another tonight, am I right? The results themselves here are about on par with what you'd expect for the notorious, romantically-inclined, ever-commercialized holiday. People near and far definitely have the hard hearts on for the knee-buckling kind of orgasm that's artificially love-induced. 

Was this dude's intention to turn in for a solid night of couchsurfing, take up residency in the tender loving care-deprived confines of the proverbial dog house? If so, my condolences bro, cause you secured a solid spot on a plush leathery pillow of lonesomeness. We can all fairly suggest you didn't fail to accomplish that much. I sympathize with the fact that it must've been tough living up to the expectations of the unicorn and carriage ride through a snow-packed, mid-February Central Park ride she so longingly desired. BUT, this was not the next best step.

The comedic relief present in these delightfully vulgar Valentine's Day cards is the perfect companion for anyone even slightly sickened by the glaring commercialization meets sappy romantic comedy-tainted nature of this 'holiday.' Picking out a decent card that doesn't involve you sacrificing your self-respect alongside a bouquet of overpriced roses can be a whole lot easier if you pull something from this rag tag crew. Trust me bro (or maybe don't), you'll get some points for attempted crack at keeping it light and humorous. If it ends up buzzkilling your night and failing to put a smile on his/her face though, don't say I didn't warn ya.

There's nothing romantic about these glaring fail-tainted shots at valentine's day gift giving. Then again, isn't a notoriously tiresome process to figure out what exactly we're supposed to be giving on this grand 'ol day, fellas? So with that considered, maybe we're best off just playing into the ritual with a little dumbness for comedic effect. 

Thanks to Tinder's resident love doc, Ms. Jessica Carbino we now have faces behinds the names of folks we can be potentially envious of. Whether you're jealous or not obviously depending upon standards, relationship status, etc, but hey personally speaking here...these people made the leaderboard on the widespread dating game (acclaimed for sexual encounters) that is the Tinder. So cheers to that.