missed connections

The best part is, the OP was only looking for friendship because she saw a cool license plate. Then all of a sudden a desperate nerd guy jumps on what might be his only chance: "OMG OMG I'M A NERD TOOOOOO LET'S SMOOCH!"

Oh recession, what new acts of desperation will you drive people to do?

Good friends! That's all he's looking for!

Everything seemed pretty straightforward until I got to the last bullet point: "Traditional Ladies' education." What the hell does that mean? That she knows how to throw a cocktail party? Is there a Japanese-themed remake of My Fair Lady in the works?

Craigslist Fail or Not?

"The boy that touched my breasts on the E train?" Girl, you just made an MC to every single guy riding the E train that morning. Public transportation is crowded. Makes sense to try and find them on Craigslist. I am sure he is a real good catch.

Whenever you see a hot girl/guy on the street or in a store, just tell them "Thanks for the peep show!" You'll have their number in 5 seconds flat, GUARANTEED.

Don't approach you in public? Will you run away like a fawn startled in the wild?

Some people are so desperate, they see signs even where there aren't any. It's like the movie "A Beautiful Mind" except it'd be titled "A Sad and Desperate Mind."

Here's a rundown of my reaction to this post, sentence by sentence:

1. Oh it rhymes, that's cute.
2. Alrighty then, starting to get uncomfortable... years?
3. LOL delusional too. "Dude that girl I've been stalking is totally into me. She's so into me she stalks me too! Sometimes we stalk in circles!
4. HOLD the phone. Is he moving next door to her? And someone's already involved with this creep? 5-7. idontwanttoliveonthisplanetanymore.jpg

Maybe she looked like Cameron Diaz? (There's Something About Mary. I saw this after I decided to see what hilarity my town had to offer.)