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Microbiologist's Twitter Thread On Lobsters Being Giant Immortal Monsters Is Legit Unbelievable

There's something highly unsettling about this microbiologist's deep dive into how lobsters are basically immortal sea scorpion monsters that have immortality interwoven in there DNA. 

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Presumptuous Date Loses It When She Has to Pay for Her Own Food

This is behavior is ridiculous. The winning strategy is to order something more reasonable, like pasta, and then go to the bathroom when you see the check coming. This is some real shoddy and overambitious planning. Who orders lobster?

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Apparently, the point is to chug a beer with a crawfish strapped to it. Sort of a crusteacean mustache situation. Or Crustache, if you will. But will you?

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A rare genetic mutation makes this lobster a once-in-a-lifetime catch!

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A new species of crustacean has been discovered in the underwater mountains off the northwest coast of Spain, scientists recently announced.