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Author Daniel José Older got an alarming surprise when he realized that someone checked into his room under his name.

This is a disaster of biblical proportions. Damn. 

The emotional rollercoaster we never asked for, but damn well need. Buckle up and enjoy the ride. 

This conversation erred on the side of absolutely comically absurd. 

This insufferable douchecanoe looks like James Franco, so it's all good. Except not. Not at all. 

A+ act of trolling here! 

This man is a legend, as is the lady who delivers the pizza!

You can't make this sh*t up. This immaculate, far-fetched Twitter thread will forever be the gift that keeps on giving. We're glad they were able to track down the culprit by the tale's end.