funny names

Why not name a dog "Big Boy Binglebangle" or "Lunchbox?" Why not name a cat "Federico Feline-y?" Well, at some point you're gonna have to bring them to the vet, look another human being in the eyes and say "I'm worried that Sergeant Jebediah Funkness III has a heart condition" and  all of a sudden things have gotten weird. That said, a dumb name doesn't mean a dumb pet. Here are some worryingly smart stunts pulled by people's pets.

It's a damn shame that this guy is having trouble getting other people to call him Mr. Bitch, because most of us would think it's kind of awesome. For some other cultural name challenges, here's a grandson who's jerk grandma won't learn his name, so he resolves to say her name wrong too.

Sometimes parents get it in their heads that to show the world that their child is a unique and brightly shining star, they'll name their kid something wacky. Maybe it'll be an extremely convoluted set of syllables, or in some cases of horrible names people encountered the name itself is a compromise or even a joke. Whatever the parents intentions, it can be detrimental to ones social life to have an unfortunately wild and silly name.

You'd think parents would have better judgement, but sometimes people get stuck with incredibly silly names. There are some parents out there who either didn't give a name enough thought, or tried to get too clever with it. Man it would really suck to be named after a transformer. 

People manage to name their kids some pretty awful things. People also manage to legally change their name to some wacky crap, as well as get insane names printed on official documents. Either way, we're glad that among all of our own problems, having the silly name like "Itch E. Ballscracher" isn't one of them.

So, apparently some of these were promotions (Dave/Dove and Prongles - Cards Against Humanity promo), buuut that doesn't mean they still didn't throw their fair share of customers. There's almost something admirable in an off brand's stubborn attempt at fitting in with the rest of the products. Also, let's be real: those off brand cereals taste the exact same as their pricier counterparts. Same thing with the deodorants and dollar store perfumes and cologne, they are 1:1 the exact same thing as their originals. But at least no matter how good or bad the branding is on these projects, it can't be nearly as bad as some of these peoples' names.

The amount of creative inspiration that went into hatching up these equally hilarious and unique names for this collection of ambiguous Noah's Ark inhabitants is impressive as the mural itself. We're not sure where this ark is heading, but we were hard-pressed to find a dude that'd pass as Noah on board. He might have taken one too many hits and started to take some "creative license" with the piece when they had an "epiphany". But regardless, the tweeter has taken a completely unintelligible Noah's Ark scene, and given it meaning, that is a true feat. Next he should try to find the reasoning behind parents naming their kids with such unfortunate and terrible names. That will definitely be his next claim to fame, if he so chooses.

Ever had one of those moments when you couldn't quite get the name of something off of the tip of your tongue? And you end up spewing some sort of tripped over, garbled nonsense in order to explain what it is you need / are looking at? Well you're not alone because that is also basically the rest of all humanity. Though some of these might be from old age, most of these people have no excuse for whatever happened to their brain that lead up to the moment they said whatever they did. But we can only hope that they will have better ideas still than these shelter staff who gave insane names to their cats.

Having grown up with a last name that is often mocked for having components of phallic innuendo, I can relate to these poor souls a little bit. Like I can't even imagine what kind of verbal abuse they went through growing up. 

I like to imagine each of them lead lives similar to the Boy Named Sue.

From Ben Dover to Richard Johnson, and every name in between, some parents just didn't have enough forethought when they were choosing baby names, or they really didn't care that their kid was going to get bullied constantly. But either way, its the parents' fault. But if you thought these were bad, you should see how some of these people named their cats.

So it has been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but you know what? At least your name isn't "Hitler Mussolini" or "B.J. Hardick." 

Keep that in mind as you head into the weekend. No matter how bad things are getting, remember, you don't have this dumbass name: Kash Register. Or Tokyo Sexwale. Maybe even Rich Will Wanket. You can decide which one is the best. But at least no matter how down in the dumps you are today, you recognize that at least you haven't had one of these names your whole life. And then appreciate what it would mean to have such an ironic or hilarious name. But while comparing your lot in life to theirs, maybe check out these cats and their insane names the shelter gave them. Maybe one will be your new best friend.

When your dedication to catch 'em all becomes so extreme that you start seeing the people around you as actual Pokémon, it might be time to step away from Pokémon GO for awhile. However, if your girlfriend is completely chill with becoming the face of your collection, go for it. But I might rename some of these if you want to keep your testicles... Because if some of these are accurate you won't be doing yourself any favors by giving your Pokemon these names based on her and her behavior. If you thought these names were a riot, you have to check out some of the best unfortunate names that people have been called by their parents.