Everyone, repeat after me: I am not Spiderman. I am not Spiderman. I am not Spiderman.
Now, read this guy's TIFU story that ended up in too many injuries for one body and repeat it again. Although this is mostly some Amazon shop's fault for selling a faulty grappling hook, the guy probably could have chosen a better place to test it out for the first time. Lets hope he doesn't make the same mistake twice.
Segways, or jerk strollers as their known, have no place in our world, especially when they are attacking top athletes.
The awesome Usain Bolt had just won his crazy fourth 200-meter victory in the Beijing world championships and was taking an extended bow to the gathered fans. Then, tragedy struck bolt.
Or rather some camera dude on a Seqway.
Fortunately for the world, and for the fate of that cameraman, Bolt came out of it unscathed.
Though Bolt got up holding his leg around his Achilles, causing Jamaica to hold its collective breath, he seemed fine and continued jogging around the track and taking pictures with the crowd. That's good, because as long as no one got injured, the whole thing was hilarious because that photographer — he was on a Segway, which makes it at least 75% funnier.
The 12-year-old lost his footing next to the 17th century Paolo Porpora oil painting called Flowers, valued at $1.5 million (£950,000), at a Leonardo da Vinci show at Huashan 1914 Creative Park in Taipei on Sunday.
He lost his balance, stumbled over the safety rope and pressed a can of soda into the painting to steady himself in the security footage released by the exhibition organisers.
Andrea Rossi, the exhibition curator, said the boy seemed "nervous" and asked that he not be blamed for the damage. The family will not be asked to pay the restoration costs.
They did confirm with a local news source that the painting is insured and this kid's ensuing teenage years will not have to further suffer under the weight of crushing debt, leaning on him as he did that work of art.
This is what the painting looked like pre-kid:
And here's the hole he made:
Here are some museum experts trying to assess the damage done.
We're sorry to say it, kid. But this will not be the last inelegant thing to happen to you in adolescence.