Swipe left, swipe right, but whatever you do, don't stop swiping.

On dating apps, your fate lies in the hands of the ever-changing whims of the algorithm gods. Match? Nope, not this time. What about now? No, again. Well, when is it my turn, you ask, and the answer is (malicious laughter) NEVERRRRRR. I'm being dramatic, of course, you'll find someone. I did, a couple of times, and they all broke my heart, and now I'm single again. See? It totally works. Now that we're all nice and grumpy, we can genuinely enjoy the dating fails below. Take joy in other people'…

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