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Reporter Uses Store-Bought Chili in Office Cook-Off, Beats Frustrated Coworker

Let's not mix up the facts here, she is a filthy cheater. That said, regarding her coworker, anyone who cares this much about an office chili cook-off may not have their priorities in order. It seems like no one here is that great of a person, but such it is in the cut-throat world of office chili cook-offs. For some office stuff, here's a twitter thread about an umbrella that locked out an entire company for days, and here are funny office notes.

Reporter uses store bought chili in work cookoff.
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Did you know that ear pulling is a sport? Well you do now. Two competitors stand face to face with a string looped around each of their ears. The person with the string in the end wins. We're not sure if there's any real strategy. You just need grit and incredible ears. God it looks painful.

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We've seen it before in tons of reality competition tv shows. Someone's leaving the show and they get to make a final statement. But this guy, holy crap this guy. We're pretty sure the first half of this guy's speech is ripped from Rocky Balboa in 2006. The rest is uh... the rest is hard to put into words. Like it's literally hard to spell.

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Successful Sportsman Realizes He's Accidentally Been Doping the Whole Time

Well that's a tense moment when you realize your success might have been influenced by your heart medication. That said, it would be the perfect excuse if he had been knowingly illegally doping. Eh, we take his word for it. Weird problem to have. Sometimes, however, people do lie to their doctors for a multitude of reasons. Here are some stories from doctors who saw right through lying patients.

competition heart FAIL medicine doctor strange surprise medication winning funny weird win shooting - 8414981
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Via Sean C
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The fearlessness is STRONG with these ones! To get knocked down multiple times by brutal wipeouts, and then pull the damn trick off takes some serious stones. You might get queasy just watching these. 

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31 Award-Winningly Bad First Lines to Novels

The Lyttle Lytton contest awards the best submissions for the most atrocious first lines that people can come up with.

first lines to novels
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Uh, can't even. Dog's name is, 'SweePee.' The Chicago Tribune reports that judges “take into account bad appearance, including stench, poor complexion and a host of other inherited and acquired maladies.” The pup's owner, Jason Wurtz took home a sweet $15,000 for first prize in the competition; and Wurtz says he plans to use some of the winnings to remove a tumor that appeared on SweePee’s gum line.