Star Wars "Legends" content has always been pretty variable in quality, but we're not interested in the safe stuff like Thrawn or Mara Jade—we're talkin' Luke seducing multiple dead girls, Leia trying to delay puberty through dance, and Jedi masters named after, uh, self love. This is Canonball.
Movies are really fun as long as you don't stop and smell the civilian casualties or take stock of how many fish Aquaman sends to their deaths or how many people Spider-Man lets get obliterated by a crane or how Ready Player One's Wade Watts is even less cool than we think. "Doctor" Jordan Breeding returns this week to point out all sorts of little depressing details that were snuck into movies that you probably never noticed!
Ryan Reynolds has been admirably straightforward about his feelings regarding the monumental cinematic flop that was the "Green Lantern" film. If you've seen it, you know exactly what he's talking about. It was such a disorienting, discombobulated film that rarely (if ever) had a moment where the viewer could actually get comfortably lost in the movie. So, naturally Ryan Reynolds decision to provide his colorful, spicy commentary on the film resulted in some gems.
Superhero movies are here to stay and so, apparently, are their super strange tropes like superwomen smiling after being punched, "serious" superhero films taking place in insane asylums, and longing for some romance always leading to a loss of superpowers. "Doctor" Jordan Breeding is technically out this week, but thankfully The Incredible Spider-Professor Angry Hands Hammer Man is here to save the day!
Superman & Lois is the latest CW show set in the Arrowverse, and it promises to adapt the couple's famous, long-enduring relationship in a grounded and thoughtful way. You know, basically the exact opposite of how it goes in the comics where we get Lois trying to kill herself for Superman's pleasure, the seduction of multiple babies, and Superman transforming his girlfriend "plump" and also an entirely different race. This is Canonball.
Presumably, every single writer in Hollywood was at some point in time a teenager. At the very least, they probably inject themselves with teenage blood in order to keep their organs strong and their skin moist. So how in the world do they know nothing about them? Thankfully, "Doctor" Jordan Breeding is oft accused of having a teenage sense of humor, so join him as he tears apart teenage movie tropes that have no grounding in reality.
Did Obi-Wan WANT Padme and Anakin to get together in Star Wars? Was John Connor encouraging Kyle Reese to get with his mom in Terminator? Should Passengers have given Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence an entirely different ending? "Doctor" Jordan Breeding slips into something a bit more comfortable to take a deeply embarrassing look at some of film's most deeply disturbing romantic couples. So grab a glass of something bubbly, and start your Valentine's Day Weekend the right way.
Last night's game was certainly a spectacle, as so many Super Bowls have ended up being. This guy though, he brought his A game when it comes to taking the whole storming the field thing seriously. The lively commentary is pretty much the icing on the cake.
This fun Tumblr thread captures the experience of someone realizing that YouTube had a seven hour ad. Now that is something you don't see everyday. And certainly not something that you want to find yourself having to sit through. Thank goodness YouTube has the "skip ad" feature nowadays.
Despite the vast and wondrous spectrum that is man, Hollywood franchises like Mission Impossible, James Bond, and the DCEU all seem to have extremely specific ideas of what a man is supposed to be… and they're not super great. "Doctor" Jordan Breeding digs into it all, because he is a man - give or take.
The verdict is in on this quick and entertaining Tumblr thread about the world's greatest tropes, and these apparently absolutely fit the bill. You've just got to love those moments in movies where characters provide flashbacks but said flashbacks involve all the other characters speaking in their actual voices, but also matching the actual cadence and vocabulary of the character telling the story. Also, the rumor is that basically all of these occurred in the "Road to El Dorado."
What are the mutant historians like in 'Logan' or the NYC attack truthers in 'Ghostbusters' or the true-crime enthusiasts in 'The Terminator'? Movie universes are much larger than the seven people we follow during the movie, but who the heck lives there and what are they up to? "Doctor" Jordan Breeding returns to deep dive into a few cinematic universes and ring in the new year the only way he knows how.
Have you ever thought it strange that Marty McFly's grandparents left him unconscious for nine hours in BACK TO THE FUTURE? How about God's willingness to let BRUCE become ALMIGHTY? Is Santa a real jerk in ELF? "Doctor" Jordan Breeding returns this week to wish you Happy Holidays and uncover a bunch of secret nut jobs hiding in some of your favorite movies. Sorry.
Oh boy, our friends at Cracked are back at it again with a spicy debate about the worst things one can imagine when considering living in the infamous, Matrix. I mean, hey, maybe we already are. We were just looking at a wild thread about people's most unsettling, yet thrilling, "glitch in the Matrix" moments.
Our friends at Cracked are back at it again with a fresh installment in their weekly video series, "Your Brain On Cracked." This time though, buckle up, cause it is the season finale. They provide some hilarious commentary on how some of those iconic movie villains very well might've been a bunch of knuckleheads.
