apple watch

This doesn't look pleasant.

A Danish man is claiming that his Apple Watch gave him "severe burns" on his wrist and fingers, but the tech company says "No way."

Jorgen Mouitzen was in a restroom when he said he felt pain and smelt burning flesh. He quickly realized it was coming from his Apple Watch, he told Yahoo News.

Mouitzen says he rushed to remove the watch, burning his fingers in the process.

Apple has examined the watch and said the watch could not have caused the burns. There are no active electronics in the band.

Nevertheless, Mouitzen still believes the watch was responsible.

"There was nothing else around that could have heated the strap up other than the watch," he said.

Sorry to all our inked friends, but your cool designs make the Apple Watch think you are a slice of cold beef or a robot or some such thing. Better luck next time?

Skip to around 1:30 to get to the accidental purchase! God bless one-click shopping!

It's exactly what you think it is.

The 4000 word short story is about the "smartwatch prototype that mysteriously arrives at the door" of one Christie Aackerlund. Finally, someone who had the creative chutzpah to ask "how does a watch pork a real live human being?"

As the author lists on their Amazon page, however, the story is "only for super mature people who can handle it."