true facts

No attempts at humor here, just the truth. Let that one sit with you for a second.

And you thought rigor mortis was bad before...

Which is it, novelty t-shirt? I can't understand you when you're being purposefully contradictory like this!

No remorse, no regrets, only bonnets and sunflowers.

From the department of Poorly Dressed studies.

Not shown: American Apparel - $35 (and you feel a little gross for wearing it).

Yeah man, I hate that stuff almost as much as poorly-colored text in a captioned image.

DATING - PERSONALS:

"Totally cute and awesome goth chick looking for elder-statesmen straight-shooter who is totally only into goth chicks for NSA fun-times. Must be partially bald and otherwise physically unfit. No scammers or frauds."

Printed in: "The Daily WILL NEVER EXIST," Vol. X Issue: IN YOUR DREAMS.

I'm pretty sure Larry David is just talking about every single person here.

Don't worry though, you still have fewer problems going on than the guy in the psychedelic animal print to your left.

I mean, I'm going to need a Zanax just to cope with thinking about what this shirt is talking about.