phone

Why not use the one you already have?

These fancy new smart phones just can't accommodate fingers of this caliber can they?

Careful, Lenny Kravitz, you're about 30 years away from being steampunk. Once that label gets stuck to you, there are no pliers strong enough to tear it off.

Well, there's a Phoner if I ever did see one!

Why not just put the smartphone in the pocket itself?

I guess this is what happens when technology gradually becomes obsolete: it becomes part of someone's fashion statement.

As watch sizes began to get smaller, some wore the biggest clocks they could find:

As handheld consoles became more advanced, some wore the older models:

And as print media goes down in flames...

Provides protection from everything, except embarrassment.

That's GPOYG, for short. Feel free to tweet/hashtag/abuse that one.