oh god why

Someday, maybe the rest of the NBA will be as trendy and fashionable as you, Craig Sager. Until then, we always have the NHL's Don Cherry to tide us over.

Point is, I understand this makeup job about as much as I understand math.

You know, to go with your horse head and/or squirrel and/or rat masks!

This is why we don't dig into mom and dad's private photo albums.

I prefer to think of this picture as a "Toddlers and Tiaras" still from the future.

I mean, we've all been there. I'd much rather look like a cartoon caricature on most days anyway.

Sorry about that, I'm getting heavy "The Ring" vibes from this one. Get back to me in a week if you accidentally erased yourself from existence by seeing this. Thanks!

We never asked for it to end this way. Alas...

On the bottom here we have your standard-issue "stocky guy," and up top we have "out of shape dad." I have a feeling you'll be pleased with this hybrid model of beach bod!

Edward Cullen was a vampire, and I would soon be jumping off of the nearest bridge I could find after realizing this exists.