oh god why

This is why we don't dig into mom and dad's private photo albums.

Happy Mother's Day! To see the less terrifying side of Mother's Day, click right here!

Surprise, they're at a fast food restaurant!

Please let it be the latter!

School spirit days are getting out of hand these days. I mean, "Prey Upon the Souls of the Damned Day"? Seriously?

And clearly you both needed some more sunscreen. Let that molting skin be a reminder that we didn't come to the Pearl Jam concert to see this.

On the bottom here we have your standard-issue "stocky guy," and up top we have "out of shape dad." I have a feeling you'll be pleased with this hybrid model of beach bod!

Edward Cullen was a vampire, and I would soon be jumping off of the nearest bridge I could find after realizing this exists.

I mean, we've all been there. I'd much rather look like a cartoon caricature on most days anyway.

Someday, maybe the rest of the NBA will be as trendy and fashionable as you, Craig Sager. Until then, we always have the NHL's Don Cherry to tide us over.

Any idea which aisle has the eye drops? Cotton swabs? SOMETHING to clean out my brain?