90s

"Our troops amass on the field at dawn. Today we ride into battle, our tempered courage only matched by our cold steel." "Who do we face today, who dares stands against our might? Surely none can match us in armed combat." "Today, we face the one they call... Bryan." "Gods have mercy on us all."

JT was still several years away from bringing sexy back in this picture, clearly.

For comparison:

At least it's better than Kriss Kross.

"Like, OMG, this outfit is SOOO 90s!"

Sorry, I was mixing up my Fake Personas for Public Entertainment with my Parodies of Fake Personas for Public Entertainment.

True story: I wore this outfit once, crouched for a long time, and then found a warp whistle. But then I didn't use it, because warp whistles are for chumps. True story.

TOO LATE, I CAN HEAR THEM IN MY HEAD ALREADY.

Just remember, every time you think to yourself "Man, the '90s were SO MUCH BETTER than times today," one of these little punks puts another quarter in the Billy Ray Cyrus jukebox and continues the cycle of misery. Remember that.