(My grandma thought it was totally appropriate to tell me about her first time with my now deceased grandpa.) Grandma: I looked at that thing and I said "That'll NEVER fit!" Me: *Awkward laugh* Oh hehe, that's pretty crazy! Grandma: Say, why don't you ever bring your boyfriend over here to visit? (maybe it's cause you tell gross sex stories.)
(Me and my uncle walking through a park he's 23 and I'm 17.) Uncle: *Points to a group of bushes*. That's where me and your auntie had sex for the first time. Me: I didn't need to know that. Uncle: Yep, we were both 14 and drunk and stoned out of our heads. Me: Wow... So many laws broken, that's true love right there...
(I just met my new step-brother 2 hours ago at my dad's house. We're both mid 20's adults. Dad and step-mom leaving to go to the store.) Dad: Okay, we're leaving now. Me: Alright, see you in a bit. Dad: (Looks at me and step-brother) No having sex with each other. Me: Oh my God, dad! Go!
Mom: Don't sleep with anyone. Me: I know, I know. Mom: No, I'm serious, they don't look that good naked. God didn't do a very good job when he put them together.
(Talking to my 9-year-old brother) Me: Hey, do you know who is coming on Saturday night? Mom: Your Dad, if he's lucky.
Mum: Are you a lesbian? That would be gross. Me: Didnt you tell me you dated a lesbian for six months? Mum: Yes, but we never went beyond kissing. She wanted to stay virgin until married.
