punishment

Me: I'm going to discipline my kids better when I have them. I'm going to lock them in a closet. Mom: Oh... That's what I did with you...

Sister (singing like the Black Eyed Peas): Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? Dad (obviously having no idea that it's a song) : I'll tell you what you're going to do with all of it, clean it out! (followed by a long, angry lecture about the various junk my sister had left in the trunk of the car and needed to take out)

Dad: How did work go today? Me: (A daycare toddler teacher) The kids were rambunctious today. Dad: Kick the little @#$!ers in the head enough, they'll calm down.

Mother: Don't quote what I say on facebook. Seriously, if you quote what I say you will sleep on the roof for three weeks. And you can quote me on that.

Me: Mom, can I have a curfew? Mom: You already have one. Me: So, when is it? Mom: I won't tell you. Me: Then what's the point of a curfew? Mom: So we can punish you when you break it.