Probably bad News

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The Gilliam family ordered cranberry juice for their toddler Gabriela, but when she took a sip they immediately noticed something was wrong. Taking a drink from her child's cup themselves, they discovered it was actually sangria (the preferred drink of college lit majors looking to forget that they need to read Joyce for Wednesday's class).

After several trips to local doctors and monitoring Gabriela's sleep patterns she's totally fine, but not after a tiny toddler bender ("She was kissing everything"). 

Hopefully she won't experience that kind of feeling again until college. Or at least late high school, who are we kidding.

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Via MSN
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Allegedly the girl hatched a revenge plot to murder her mother after her iPhone was taken away. That sentence is a real event and not something we pulled from a psychology case study on sociopathy.

Boulder County police arrested the tween after her mother reported her for the second poisoning incident. The first, when the child poured bleach into her mother's smoothie, which mom was able to detect by smell (and here we thought it was the pricepoint of a Vitamix that would kill you ZING).

Then she tried the same stunt with a carafe of water that her mother kept in her bedroom. This is probably the ballsiest move in the entire story, because seriously who tries the same matricidal nonsense twice? That's just poor form, Olivia (in the story I am assuming the child's name is Olivia because they're all named Olivia, run with me here).

To conclude, another case of pre-teen case of severe empathy lack solved by the power of a mom who won't take any nonsnse... and maybe a little help from Mr. Yuck.