military

(After the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was lifted.) Mom: So, NOW will you tell me you're gay? Me: MOM! I'm not gay! Why would you think that? Mom: Because you joined the Navy! Real men join the Marines! Me: Dad was in the AirForce! Mom: ... Why won't you give me grandchildren?! Me: Thinning the herd.

(Talking to my ten-year-old cousin about Pokemon while celebrating my uncle returning from Iraq.) Me: Bulbasaur was my favorite starter. Cousin: What's a bulbasaur? Uncle: Good work son, the only proper starter is a Charmander. Cousin: What's a charmander? Uncle: (Turns to my aunt) What in God's name have you done to my child?!