maury povich

I would accept this onesie only under the condition that it was delivered to me by this man, in this vehicle:

Yesterday, news broke of allegations that Justin Bieber fathered the child one 20 year-old Mariah Yeater. Yeater, who claimed that she and Bieber had a tryst at the Staples Center at one of his concerts, claimed that this was Bieber's "first time." Additionally, California's age of consent would dictate that the act was technically statutory rape - as Yeater was 19 at the time.

Should the allegations be true (which seems incredibly unlikely), we have that many fewer jokes to make about Justin Bieber's sex - surely a loss for the entire internet community. Bieber's twitter followers started a "#beliebersbelieveinjustin" movement in the teen pop star's defense, with hilarious results. Meanwhile, the internet hopped on plenty of prime joke opportunities:

"Noooooooooooo!"

Santa, you ARE the father!

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHH SNAP"