fart

Me: Im shooting daggars out of my eyes. Dad: Im shooting farts out of my ass. (A little while later,) When you're not home I'm going to fart on your pillow.

(In the living room about 15 minutes before Thanksgiving Dinner with 20 family members and Grandma.) Gram: I think somebody farted. Younger Brother: You know what they say Gram, they who smelled it, dealt it. Gram: (laughs) That's true. (*Pause*) Gram; No, I was wrong, somebody's crapped themselves.