drugs

(Meow from outside door) Mom: I hear a kitty! (Opens door) Mom: Wait, where's the kitty? Was there ever a kitty? Am I on drugs?

(My mom had just gone into the freezer for the 5th time in the last hour to get a cup of ice.) Dad: Hey! If you keep doing that, you'll get addicted to the ice. From there, you'll move on to snow... Then you'll hit the hard stuff, like sleet. Me: And hail after that? Dad: Oh god... let's not go down that road...

(We were listening to the radio on the way to school, and a report came on saying how some old people ate brownies with pot.) Me (referring to that 70's show): Haha magic brownies... Mom: We could use those to send grandma to the other side...

(Discussing Breaking Bad) Me: You're not a chemist so your meth wouldn't be like glass. Dad: Yeah, you need ketchup with my meth.

(Mom had left for a business trip and it was just dad and I by ourselves) Dad: So, you wanna get some hookers and blow? Me: Seriously, Dad? Dad: Fine... how about some pot? Do you know anyone? Or shrooms, 'cause that'll be cool too. Or both... at the same time! Me:...the hell?