divorce

(Mom and I watching "The First Wives' Club") Mom: You know, if your dad ever wanted to divorce me, I think I'd just murder him. Me: What, why? Mom: Because I'd rather be a widow than a first wife.

Mom: Do you think your father would take you to the chiropractor three days a week? Me: Do you want dad to take me? Mom: No, I just want to know if you think he would. Me: No, probably not. Mom: YES! I'm the better parent. Me: Are you really still competing for best parent? All of your kids are adults, and you've been divorced for years. Mom: The competition never ends. Now, tell me what he did for your brother's birthday.