coming out

(My brother finally telling our parents he's gay.) Mom: You can't be gay, you're not good looking and you have no fashion sense.

(My Mom was watching the TV when I joined her. She had no idea I was gay.) Mom: Any nice boys in your class? Me: No. Mom: Any nice boys in another class? Me: No. Mom: Do you even look at the boys? Me: ... No, not really. Mom: You prefer girls? Me: ... Yes. Mom: Any nice girls in your class?

(My five year old son): Mom, I'm gay. Me: Really? So you want to marry boys? Son: No, I like girls. Me: Sweetie, then you aren't gay. That means boys who love boys, and girls who love girls. You are heterosexual. Son: Look mom, I just wanna be gay but marry a girl! Me: ... Well I guess that's how some gay guys do it...

(After the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was lifted.) Mom: So, NOW will you tell me you're gay? Me: MOM! I'm not gay! Why would you think that? Mom: Because you joined the Navy! Real men join the Marines! Me: Dad was in the AirForce! Mom: ... Why won't you give me grandchildren?! Me: Thinning the herd.

Mum: Are you a lesbian? That would be gross. Me: Didnt you tell me you dated a lesbian for six months? Mum: Yes, but we never went beyond kissing. She wanted to stay virgin until married.