(My mom walks in to my room as I'm pulling my pants up from masturbating.) Mom: What were you doing. Me: Uh... Nothing Mom: OK, just a tip, next time, do "nothing" in the bathroom.
(after a nasty bout of meds left me on the toilet for far too long) Mom: It's exfoliating your colon!
When she weighs herself, the scale cries. BOOM ROASTED!
(Dad's in the bathroom) Dad: Come in here and look what I did in the toilet! Me: No, I think I'll pass. Dad: Come on, if I just tell you you'll never believe me. Me: NO! Dad: COME NOW OR YOU'RE GROUNDED! (I go to bathroom.) Me: What? Dad: I shot a fly into the toilet with my pee stream.
