(Recently after my grandfather's funeral.) Family friend: I heard you buried your father. Dad: Had to. Dead, you know?
More FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
Dad: Why does everything come back as f**king zombies? Me: Well what else would they come back as? Dad: ... Sperm?
My wife passed away recently. We loved candles. We had old retired candles. I made a new one.
Stepdad: When I die, have me cremated. Then, put my ashes in the compost. Me: Why would we put you in the compost? Stepdad: So you can put it on the vegetables and eat me! Mom: No! I'm not eating you! Not when you're dead anyway. Me: o.o
