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Steven Tyler's search for his dentures: story on page 30.

He's actually mimicking a string bass instead of drums, but the result is still pretty impressive.

In an age where we fetishize outdated technology, it's hard to tell if this guy is way behind the times, or far ahead of it. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone carried a phonograph around with them instead of an iPod by the year 2030.

After their moment of popularity, many bands spend an indeterminate amount of time in music purgatory before they become retro and cool again. While in purgatory, legions of 12-year-olds scoff at them cruelly.

Today is my birthday! I am getting old. I don't go to concerts religiously, but here are some of the more notable acts I've seen...

The Beach Boys, George Clinton, Bob Dylan, Stevie Wonder, Elvis Costello, Aerosmith, Jimmy Cliff

... and a bunch of acts who started in the last two decades. What cool bands have you seen?

If that's the difference between "then" and "now," then why did The Beatles write "I Me Mine" in 1970?

But then the Great Evil crept into the kingdom, its advance troops "The Real World" and "Road Rules" readying the way for a full-scale invasion by the gruesome forces of "My Super Sweet Sixteen," "Newlyweds," "Laguna Beach," "The Ashlee Simpson Show," and "Jersey Shore."

Warning: Turn your volume down.

What if we made a mixtape of floppy drive music?

It's been, what, 20 years since their first album?

My discerning ear tells me that it CERTAINLY isn't black metal.

You still tear up every time you hear this song, even after the billionth time. Admit it.