metal

Remember that time when Gwar offered to answer your dating questions? They came through! Listen to their Sage Wisdom From Beyond the Stars and all your dreams will come true.

In all fairness, you don't go into metal to get rich and famous. You go into metal because it's awesome. If you want fame, you get a stylist and sing mid-tempo love songs. I'm just sayin'.

Even as he's saying "metal," he's furiously changing the track on his iPod's "Now Playing" menu from K-Pop to something more kvlt.

Don't get me wrong, I'm into ambient metalgaze mathcore, but I freaking HATE those sheep who listen to dark metalgaze post-mathcore.

I'm altering your playlist. Pray I don't alter it further!

Everyone's favorite heavy metal cover artist might be a little late to the party with Gotye covers and parodies, but that doesn't mean he's any less welcome (we still love you!). Maybe next he can do a metal cover with five people on one guitar.

In all fairness, punk can't really compete based on the guitar parts alone. You have to have at LEAST one verse consisting of a guy screaming unintelligibly about anarchy or bollocks or how he's not going to clean his room like his mother told him to.

St. Anger is proof positive that musicians should never go to rehab. We're looking at YOU, James.

Not sure if upside-down cross is lame metal or extremely well-informed Catholicism.

The kvltest kitten.