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I'd like to rag on them for getting Sammy Hagar's name wrong, but I can't. Ever since he didn't get invited to the Van Halen reunion-fest, there's no better nickname for him than "Sammy Haggard."

A writer in Boise, Idaho takes some editorial license.

Why hire an actual DJ when you can get a guy to stand behind a turntable and wiggle his arms?

He must have been taking tips from John Lennon.

What you're seeing in the last panel is the brain releasing dopamine, kittens, and the mellow hits of Phil Collins into the body as a last-ditch attempt to numb the crushing pain of music festivals. Or maybe it was just awesome and everything else was actually just a minor inconvenience.

This was allegedly sent to the producers of the FunFunFun Fest in Austin, where Slayer played earlier this year, and dear god we hope it's real. Because as great as Slayer is, knowing that they order "hand sanitizer" AND "hand satanizer" makes them ten times as great.