kid

...because there's NO WAY I could play a steady beat with a year of practice, let alone a year of living.

All you need to make a beat is bang two sticks together. A child could do it (confidential to percussionists: we're not really serious. Please don't sue for libel). YouTube performers Wax and Herbal T took this idea to its logical conclusion and made a rap song using sounds from Herbal T's toddler son's playground session.

It's official: I need to start my life over from when I was nine years old.

The kid who said of Thom Yorke "I don't think he's got any friends" is a sharp little guy.