Sherlock fans: If you must read Alone on the Water, by all that is good and holy, DO NOT listen to "Cancer" by My Chemical Romance afterwards. You will cry like you've never cried before.
If you lie about having cancer to hold on to an unhappy boyfriend, make sure said boyfriend's best friend isn't a cancer survivor. Otherwise your lie WILL be exposed, and it will be at a Cancer Support Group when it does. #LFMFriend's ex'sF
While writing that very important essay on cancer, the paper you were reading was from annals of oncology, notice the number of Ns in annals... #LFMF
Remember, it's prostate cancer, NOT prostitute cancer. Remember this before talking to your teacher about how much you empathize her husband because he has prostate cancer.
Women don't have prostates. Your family will laugh at you when you wonder why prostate cancer is rarely reported in women. #LFMF
It's not a mole that you've recently discovered and thought, "Hmm, has that always been there?" It's skin cancer. Get it looked at before they have to take a softball-sized chunk out of your leg. #LFMF
Never take your ex-girlfriend on a two thousand mile roundtrip roadtrip just to see a guy she thinks she is in love with. He isn't in love with her, she won't repay you, and she lied about having cancer. #LFMF
Never ask your friend who has just lost one of his testicles to cancer "Aren't you freezing your bollocks off?" #LFMF
When fundraising door to door for children with leukaemia make sure the lady you're talking to is not currently battling leukaemia when you tell her of the mortality rates as part of the pitch. It will get VERY awkward and you'll feel like the worst person in the world ever. #LFMF
During a breast cancer walk do not loudly play your best of the 80's playlist. Another One Bites the Dust is not something they want to hear.
Met a new friend at uni, went to their place, found a wig in the house. Laughing, I picked it up and asked if he was secretly a drag queen. Straight-faced, he replied, "That was my sister's. She died of leukemia." I choked on my foot. #LFMF