crazy

"I was scared for my life!" Uhh, whatnow.

Brought to you fresh and fried out of Lecanto, Florida, The Citrus County Sheriff's Office arrested a woman on shoplifting and drug paraphernalia charges. She was apprehended amidst a shopping cart fueled joyride out of hell.

The woman's been identified as Josseleen Elida Lopez, 25. Lopez was held after scarfing down $32.36 worth of food and wine. She told the authorities she's homeless.

If you're going to hit rock bottom, at least eat some chicken, and wash it down with some wine right? In all seriousness we wish Lopez the best on her road to recovery. Deputies disclosed to the press that they found two empty syringes after arresting Lopez, which she claims she used to inject crystal meth.

Thought you had to live a messed up life and die to lay eyes on the fiery pits of hell. Clearly, I thought wrong.

A woman was tailgating a car in Northern California this weekend, and she went full speed towards Crazy Town after the passengers made "a rude hand gesture" to her.

The 50-year-old woman, Dierdre Orozco, drove her Ford Explorer in front of the girls to get them to stop. She also pretended to be a police officer, even getting out of her car at one point and approaching them with some sort of ID.

When this strategy failed, she decided to start ramming them off the road.

The crazy woman was eventually arrested when she went off the exit.

Sure, some other crazy fellas out there have attempted and successfully accomplished this feat of fear-defying slacklining; but it doesn't happen frequently. More like, every few years. And in this case, during the video there's even a moment when our legend of the hour loses his grip, kind of stumbles, and shitness if that's enough for the instant ball shrivelin up in fear moment. 

Hide yo kids, hide wives, hide yo husbands, and definitely hide yo grandmas. The only way we could make this very real life story of a reindeer running amok through the tea-soaked streets of a temporarily improper Nottingham, is if Arnold Shwarzznegger reprised his role from Jingle All The Way, to catch the runaway reindeer.

Somebody must've slipped something in Bjorn the reindeer's eggnog Sunday, because he went buckwild.

"I was putting some Christmas cards up in the window and just saw it come charging down the street," local resident Gemma Green told the Nottingham Post. "Then I saw a group of people following it.

"It was quite strange. It's like the scene from Arthur Christmas where Santa loses his reindeer. I thought I was seeing things at first." Maybe she was, but heck if that's a way to spur some Christmas spirit.

Old habits die young, but sometimes very young.