crazy

Brought to you fresh and fried out of Lecanto, Florida, The Citrus County Sheriff's Office arrested a woman on shoplifting and drug paraphernalia charges. She was apprehended amidst a shopping cart fueled joyride out of hell.

The woman's been identified as Josseleen Elida Lopez, 25. Lopez was held after scarfing down $32.36 worth of food and wine. She told the authorities she's homeless.

If you're going to hit rock bottom, at least eat some chicken, and wash it down with some wine right? In all seriousness we wish Lopez the best on her road to recovery. Deputies disclosed to the press that they found two empty syringes after arresting Lopez, which she claims she used to inject crystal meth.

"I was scared for my life!" Uhh, whatnow.

Sure, some other crazy fellas out there have attempted and successfully accomplished this feat of fear-defying slacklining; but it doesn't happen frequently. More like, every few years. And in this case, during the video there's even a moment when our legend of the hour loses his grip, kind of stumbles, and shitness if that's enough for the instant ball shrivelin up in fear moment. 

Hide yo kids, hide wives, hide yo husbands, and definitely hide yo grandmas. The only way we could make this very real life story of a reindeer running amok through the tea-soaked streets of a temporarily improper Nottingham, is if Arnold Shwarzznegger reprised his role from Jingle All The Way, to catch the runaway reindeer.

Somebody must've slipped something in Bjorn the reindeer's eggnog Sunday, because he went buckwild.

"I was putting some Christmas cards up in the window and just saw it come charging down the street," local resident Gemma Green told the Nottingham Post. "Then I saw a group of people following it.

"It was quite strange. It's like the scene from Arthur Christmas where Santa loses his reindeer. I thought I was seeing things at first." Maybe she was, but heck if that's a way to spur some Christmas spirit.

Citing "a source in China," the Chosun Ilbo reports that "the North feels the clip, which shows Kim dancing and Kung-Fu fighting, 'seriously compromises Kim's dignity and authority.'"

The newspaper says that after North Korea asked China to stop the video from spreading, "Beijing was unable to oblige."

Some people are born to be stunt drivers.

Take for instance, this driver from Albuquerque, NM. After dropping a friend off, he went out for some late e night Carl's Jr, when a red Chrysler 300 stopped in front of him. Confused, our would-be stunt driver begins backing up down the street and takes off across the streets of Albuquerque. It's nuts. 

via iFunny

With the split screen created by the driver’s dashboard camera (one facing the windshield, the other facing the driver), you can get a sense of how intense this situation was. This seven minute is the best action movie of the year, and this dude needs a part in Fast 8.

Rick Santorum may have said some pretty crazy stuff in the past, but that’s nothing compared to this woman.

Santorum was taking questions at the South Carolina National Security Action Summit last weekend, when a lady stepped up to the microphone and went off on the most insane rant ever.

Did you know President Obama the “Communist dictator” once tried to nuke Charleston? Yup, according this retired school teacher it’s totally true.

“He’s trying to destroy the United States,” she says. “The Congress knows this. What kind of games is the Congress of the United States playing with the citizens of the United States?”

She doesn’t seem to ever really get to the meat of her question and eventually they cut her off. But it takes a while, and Santorum just stands there pretending to listen.

“I’m not a sitting member of the Senate,” he says afterwards. “So I’m not taking blame for any of that stuff.”

If you love crazy rants, this one's for you.

"I am Jedi Joey. Do you even question that Kenobi Wan might ???? your penis head off? George Lucas might be able to take your Spock ear and shove it up your right cranny!"