It's been almost a decade since people started enjoying the schadenfreude and humor of reading drunk texts, but this sht just doesn't get old. And fortunately for all of us, until we all need to be certified sober to send texts, there will be an endless amount of wild and hilarious exchanges.
Warning: some of these *might be falsified, but we're gonna let that slide because they're still funny as hell.
Spending time on social media can really kill the soul. That's why we soulless content minions have put in the time and effort to collect these fresh tweets for your perusing pleasure. Why subject yourself to idiocy when you can avoid it by scrolling through vaguely amusing tweets right here.
The local fire department in Patos, Paraiba, Brazil were called to a bar Feb. 5 with a report of an aggressive monkey with a kitchen knife chasing men.
Lt. Col. Saul Laurentino of the Fire department said the monkey drank a glass of rum at the bar before picking up the knife and chasing after men, leaving the women alone.
"It was a bar staff oversight that ended with the monkey drinking some rum and taking the knife," said Laurentino.
Sounds like some of the bar patrons were just trying to enjoy the simple joys of a monkey knife fight:
