what

It's exactly what you think it is.

The 4000 word short story is about the "smartwatch prototype that mysteriously arrives at the door" of one Christie Aackerlund. Finally, someone who had the creative chutzpah to ask "how does a watch pork a real live human being?"

As the author lists on their Amazon page, however, the story is "only for super mature people who can handle it." 

Supposedly, if you can place a finger from your nose to your chin and still touch your lips this is considered a ballpark estimation of being beautiful (by conventional standards). This study was performed by the Coalition of People With Way Too Much Time on Their Hands and Really Puckered Lips.