underage

Maybe you should make more friends so they can tell you the same thing.

It's fine, you can speak in the first person. And congratulations on having such high self-esteem - not many people can say "I have such a good body" so directly. Maybe you should date yourself; at least you're much closer to your own age.

The date went splendidly until Jimmy started drawing penises all over Big Bird and crude breasts on Smurfette. He spent the rest of the night in the time-out corner while Jenny's mom, finally giving in to Jenny's insistent wails, went out to buy a new coloring book.

Ladies, please, I have very high standards. Applicants must be between 18 and 90, and anyone outside of that range will not be considered. I won't take just anyone.