poop

A japanese woman has allegedly slashed her husband across the face after he left the bathroom in a less than usable state. 

The man had been eating Pepper Jack Cheez-Its® (I can only assume it was an unconscionable amount) prior to the dump in question.

Via Metro:

Her anger was further fuelled when he tried to help their 3-year-old son use the toilet ‘without washing his own hands first’, she said, Jiji Press and other local media reported.

‘The toilet stinks so much that the child cannot even use it,’ Jiji reported her as saying.

"No," she replied with a smile. "I peed." Then they got married and lived happily ever after, until one day when he walked in to find her pooping instead of peeing. There was a messy divorce and an embittering, soul-deadening custody battle. The end.

Let's face it: people who have time to ask questions like that probably sleep alone at night.

It doesn't matter what you do in the stall, as long as you come out smelling like a rose.

That's what you get for drooling over the covers in the romance section of your local bookstore.

I think it's safe to say that the toilet paper has a leg up on "ability to emote" over Kristen Stewart too.

Poops everywhere? That could be a dealbreaker, ladies.