masturbation

Just enjoy yourself.

Unfortunately, no man has ever lasted long enough to prove this theory true.

The forever alone sexual predators.

When you're going away from home for a while, you need to make sure that while you're gone your cats are fed, your mail's taken in, and your boyfriend is pleasured.

Necessity is the mother of invention.

The laptop screen must be playing reruns of Golden Girls. That must be it.