masturbation

Better question: Who would want to?

Unfortunately, no man has ever lasted long enough to prove this theory true.

I wonder if Darth Vader ever uses his force choke for this?

The laptop screen must be playing reruns of Golden Girls. That must be it.

When you're going away from home for a while, you need to make sure that while you're gone your cats are fed, your mail's taken in, and your boyfriend is pleasured.

The forever alone sexual predators.

At least your somebody's reason for something mildly positive?

Just enjoy yourself.

Necessity is the mother of invention.