masturbation

The laptop screen must be playing reruns of Golden Girls. That must be it.

At least your somebody's reason for something mildly positive?

Just enjoy yourself.

Necessity is the mother of invention.

When you're going away from home for a while, you need to make sure that while you're gone your cats are fed, your mail's taken in, and your boyfriend is pleasured.

I wonder if Darth Vader ever uses his force choke for this?

The forever alone sexual predators.