fake

Oh good, crazy Jaoquin Phoenix is back.

On the "Late Show with David Letterman" Monday night, Phoenix got into an insane yoga position called "harness of the hog" and then casually dropped some very big news: that he was getting married to his yoga instructor.

Wait… what?

But it turned out that whole part about getting engaged was a lie to make his story sound more interesting.

"I think like my life's so boring, and it seemed like something exciting to talk about, and I wanted the audience to like me," he told Good Morning America. "They really like people getting married."

Several years ago, a bearded Phoenix was a guest on Letterman in one of the most bizarre interviews of late night TV. The whole thing turned out to be a very elaborate hoax.

Considering the message is being sent to an individual named "You," I'm guessing that the sender will soon be spending some quality time alone with .xxx domain websites and a bottle of vaseline.

Someone at the novelty goods factory has been watching too many episodes of Glee.

I like the casual ones the best. They hang out more often.

I plan to make airplane noises when I spoon food into his mouth.

Some interesting input, but I'm not sure many ladies like to hear "Nice rack! It looks totally fake!"

After some 60 years of sex research, science-type people are unable to definitively locate a "G-spot." (did you know it's named after a dead German gynecologist? think about THAT during your next sexy times) They're not saying that any and all stimulation is all mental or faked though (except for your girlfriend, OHHHH BURRRRRN). Rather, pleasurable sensation comes from several different structures converging, and there's not a special, particular erogenous gland tucked away in there. I'm sure the test subjects were very happy to assist with studying orgasms.

Supposedly, if you can place a finger from your nose to your chin and still touch your lips this is considered a ballpark estimation of being beautiful (by conventional standards). This study was performed by the Coalition of People With Way Too Much Time on Their Hands and Really Puckered Lips.

For just $5, "Cathy" here (who we're sure is a 100% real woman and the same person as in "her" pictures) will pretend to be your girlfriend on Facebook, and will even post messages to your profile if you're trying to make someone jealous. Because it doesn't matter if you're actually forever alone as long as your friends think you're not forever alone, right?