baseball

And then mid-text, Dad remembered that Katelyn doesn't even play baseball.

Yeah, she actually answers, and real talk: it's a buzzkill for us all. Turns out Verlander's too focused before the game, and too exhausted after the game.

Bro, have you not read the historical war tales of pre-battle glory that involved many a shield and sword-brandishing soldier sticking their 'other swords' into whatever woman would have them, as a ritualistic mind-clearing pick-me-up? And you're with Kate Upton! Madness. 

Girl you can box score that as a backwards K, bro wasn't even ready.

Oakland Athletics pitcher Brandon McCarthy recently suffered a concussion after being hit in the head with a line drive. Upon being discharged from California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco, it's clear that his mind is back to functioning correctly.

That lesson is: don't play baseball.

You too can catch one of Derek Jeter's 3000 ex-girlfriends on the rebound!