parenting

If that's true, then I must have been conceived on a bed of scented rose petals and puppy down in the light of three full moons after a round of Viagra cocktails with Al Green warbling loudly nearby.

At last, a way to protect your beloved household gadgets from that household infestation of "infants." Pesky buggers.

The couple never had sex again.

From the submitter:

This is what happens when I text my mom instead of my friend.

Almost correctly. It's the "Are you f**king kidding me" face and not the "I'm SERIOUS and I MEAN it" face. Still, close enough. 8/10.

I love how the recipient reflexively responds with "Love ya <3" before s/he goes "Wait a minute, I'm not flying."

It's tough being ambidextrous.