parent

Takes one to be spawned by one.

I'm l33ting so hard right now.

Money quote from the main article: "Children and adults are sexual beings; we've known this for at least 100 years." Gee, I don't know HOW we managed the whole baby-making business before then!

Anyway, P911, PIR, GYPO and GNOC.

It'll save him a rightfully earned lecture on how a grown man doesn't know how to boil corn.

Almost correctly. It's the "Are you f**king kidding me" face and not the "I'm SERIOUS and I MEAN it" face. Still, close enough. 8/10.

From the submitter:

"Uh. I mean. Yeah! How dare you forget! Buy me a new car?"

When parents join Facebook, it's like getting bound and gagged with a suit and tie while your friends are all circling you in a conga line.

It'd be worth it to move back in with the parents, just to have glow stars on my peeling ceiling again.

From the autocowrecked:

This simple conversation between my mom and I turned sooo wrrrong :::----)))))

You're leaning heavily on the sarcasm, Andy, but people still like autocowrecks if they're funny. Whether it's fake or not hardly matters.

Drunk texts are a little hard for some to decipher, so here's a handy guide to help you follow the conversation:

E u b inG gopod? (Are you being good?)

Il$m goods I'm a liL drinmkl (I have spent one million dollars on various goods, my current Halloween costume looks a little like a Drin-brand racing vehicle, mk. 1.)

1111 male a qisH (I am about to order a quiche stuffed with men.)

Im$ havi FUM (I have spent one million dollars for the privilege of eating chum, which is fum fum, as the hit children's animated television series Spongebob Squarepants has taught me.)

Ur hcing fum 222000 (Do you, too, want some chum? We can also involve ourselves in recreational drug use, a suggestion I am communicating by secret code:

222000 ---> [2 + 2] [2] [0 + 0 + 0] ---> [4] [2] [0] ---> 420 )

This is an ancient and time-honored mom tactic.

Judging by the picture, whenever his mom calls he's seized with panic and is shown desperately trying to remember whether he forgot her birthday (again).

When his dad calls, he puts on his Serious Man-Face and gets ready to field Serious Questions about his future and whether he's started saving up for a house yet.