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I'm l33ting so hard right now.

You might be confused by the "Meeple" and "Mupple" exchange at the beginning, but a quick trip to Urban Dictionary clears things up.

Meeple:
A generic term for little wooden figures used in german board gaming.

Mupple: A mixed-race heterosexual couple, of which one partner, generally the male, is of Caucasian appearance and the other partner, generally the female, is of South-East Asian appearance.

That makes sense! So the son/daughter was pontificating to "Dad" about the apparent lack of control any of us has over our lives, like pawns on a chessboard or meeples in a German board game, and "Dad" responded that by pairing ourselves into loving and supportive but unconventional relationships (such as, just for example, a mupple), we can often soothe the pang of life's persistent existential uncertainty. This segues perfectly into the son/daughter discussing his/her preferences when finding suitable partners.

Whenever anyone says "it's me" via text, you can safely assume that he or she is over the age of 50 and has been texting for fewer than one year.

From the submitter:

"Uh. I mean. Yeah! How dare you forget! Buy me a new car?"

I guess her thought-out-plan is blackmailing her mother.

So period sex feels amazing because it's embarrassing? What about the embarrassment of talking about period sex with your mom? Would that feel amazing, too?

Drunk texts are a little hard for some to decipher, so here's a handy guide to help you follow the conversation:

E u b inG gopod? (Are you being good?)

Il$m goods I'm a liL drinmkl (I have spent one million dollars on various goods, my current Halloween costume looks a little like a Drin-brand racing vehicle, mk. 1.)

1111 male a qisH (I am about to order a quiche stuffed with men.)

Im$ havi FUM (I have spent one million dollars for the privilege of eating chum, which is fum fum, as the hit children's animated television series Spongebob Squarepants has taught me.)

Ur hcing fum 222000 (Do you, too, want some chum? We can also involve ourselves in recreational drug use, a suggestion I am communicating by secret code:

222000 ---> [2 + 2] [2] [0 + 0 + 0] ---> [4] [2] [0] ---> 420 )

This sums up Christmas morning for at least 30 people.

Money quote from the main article: "Children and adults are sexual beings; we've known this for at least 100 years." Gee, I don't know HOW we managed the whole baby-making business before then!

Anyway, P911, PIR, GYPO and GNOC.

Parents have sex too.