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That sh*t cray, mom.

You might be confused by the "Meeple" and "Mupple" exchange at the beginning, but a quick trip to Urban Dictionary clears things up.

Meeple:
A generic term for little wooden figures used in german board gaming.

Mupple: A mixed-race heterosexual couple, of which one partner, generally the male, is of Caucasian appearance and the other partner, generally the female, is of South-East Asian appearance.

That makes sense! So the son/daughter was pontificating to "Dad" about the apparent lack of control any of us has over our lives, like pawns on a chessboard or meeples in a German board game, and "Dad" responded that by pairing ourselves into loving and supportive but unconventional relationships (such as, just for example, a mupple), we can often soothe the pang of life's persistent existential uncertainty. This segues perfectly into the son/daughter discussing his/her preferences when finding suitable partners.

It'd be worth it to move back in with the parents, just to have glow stars on my peeling ceiling again.

So period sex feels amazing because it's embarrassing? What about the embarrassment of talking about period sex with your mom? Would that feel amazing, too?

Drunk texts are a little hard for some to decipher, so here's a handy guide to help you follow the conversation:

E u b inG gopod? (Are you being good?)

Il$m goods I'm a liL drinmkl (I have spent one million dollars on various goods, my current Halloween costume looks a little like a Drin-brand racing vehicle, mk. 1.)

1111 male a qisH (I am about to order a quiche stuffed with men.)

Im$ havi FUM (I have spent one million dollars for the privilege of eating chum, which is fum fum, as the hit children's animated television series Spongebob Squarepants has taught me.)

Ur hcing fum 222000 (Do you, too, want some chum? We can also involve ourselves in recreational drug use, a suggestion I am communicating by secret code:

222000 ---> [2 + 2] [2] [0 + 0 + 0] ---> [4] [2] [0] ---> 420 )

Judging by the picture, whenever his mom calls he's seized with panic and is shown desperately trying to remember whether he forgot her birthday (again).

When his dad calls, he puts on his Serious Man-Face and gets ready to field Serious Questions about his future and whether he's started saving up for a house yet.