love

An addiction that creates stress, speeds the aging process, and eats at your bank account? Yep, sounds like parenting. Or crack. But mostly parenting.

It'd still be a fail even if s/he hadn't missed the "r" in "shirts." YES SMELLING OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIRTS IS CREEPY.

In how many song titles can we replace the word "love" with "E" and pretend it's about drugs? All I've got is "All You Need Is E," "The Power of E," and "It's Only E."

Uh-oh! It looks like they've found more dirt on Herman Cain's sexual harassment cases.

I wish I knew how to quit you, bro.

This just warms the cockles of my heart. And arouses it at a very reasonable rate.

The Romeo and Juliet balcony scene took place in the early morning, too. This is from an evil alternate-reality Romeo and Juliet who spend the entire play throwing pithy one-line insults at each other. They both wear goatees.

The next time someone tells you that you hurt their feelings, try responding the same way Siri did. I can guarantee that you'll get thrown to the ground, unless the person you're speaking to had bought you and you're valued at several hundred dollars. That's why Siri gets a free pass.

I'm not sure ANYTHING lasts as long as that.

Infinite time!