last night

Occasionally I'll pick up a stick and whisper "Wingardium Leviosa" to myself before putting it back down disappointedly.

Some days I feel like taking after Misses Edna Prooster and taking a baton to you Farmville-requesting asses.

Downvoted into oblivion? Dude, the "you were so drunk last night" posts regularly scored 4.5/5 thumbs out of almost a thousand votes when we had voting on the front page, to say nothing of how well they (still) do on the vote page, which is how they make the front page in the first place. Sorry bro, but you're still in the minority for now.

/rant

Someone had left a plastic knife on the seat, and you said "Sorry, I can't drive stick."

As if "the sports bar" wasn't vague enough.

That moment Saturday or Sunday morning when you frantically check your history to see if you made an ass of yourself last night.

Why yes, I DO "tihnk yoiur cuuu8te" too!

Be careful of too much drunk texting! Otherwise people will expect too much attention from you and they'll start getting needy.