god

Kids! No matter how committed you are to building a personal relationship with Jesus or any other spiritual icon, don't text Him while driving. Or anyone, for that matter.

"gon 2 transubstanti8 sum bread lol brb"

Dad will never know what hit him.

I don't know about you, but using my hands to pray is such a hassle when you can just pick up the phone and take advantage of a direct line to the Big Man himself!

Not playing Words With Friends apparently.

A GPS is similar to God in many ways: it has a bird's-eye view of earth from space and it tells you what to do and where to go. The only difference is that a GPS isn't more compliant when you sacrifice a live goat in its honor. At least I don't think it is. I've never tried.

I'd rather not see people bang with auto-cucumbers. There's probably a place on the internet where you can see it, but I DON'T WANT TO.