god

I don't know about you, but using my hands to pray is such a hassle when you can just pick up the phone and take advantage of a direct line to the Big Man himself!

Dad will never know what hit him.

Kids! No matter how committed you are to building a personal relationship with Jesus or any other spiritual icon, don't text Him while driving. Or anyone, for that matter.

Not playing Words With Friends apparently.

I'd rather not see people bang with auto-cucumbers. There's probably a place on the internet where you can see it, but I DON'T WANT TO.

A GPS is similar to God in many ways: it has a bird's-eye view of earth from space and it tells you what to do and where to go. The only difference is that a GPS isn't more compliant when you sacrifice a live goat in its honor. At least I don't think it is. I've never tried.

"gon 2 transubstanti8 sum bread lol brb"