flirting

"Oh goodness, the way he put me down like that completely lowered my self-esteem and made me 100% more likely to go out with him!" swoon

If winky faces are the trollops of smiley face land, then (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻) are the oppressed cubicle workers with short tempers.

In this analogy, the exploding bomb is the girl replying "Ewww, gross, you're a creepy schmuck and I award you two out of ten hottie points" and ignoring me. My bomb-ravaged body represents my self-esteem.

Of all the things to associate with your vagina, "vice" shouldn't be at the top of your list.

Space pants? Really? That's the worst one-liner I've heard since "toilet store."

Then why is there a screenshot that clearly shows this conversation happening? It's almost as if someone faked it or something ...

From the submitter:

Actual text from a man re online dating

With perfectly normal and fully-functional legs, apparently.

Gee, I wonder who those 11 messages are from.

THAT'S WHY YOU SAY THESE THINGS IN PERSON

NOT OVER YOUR EXPENSIVE TOY

ARE YOU MAD

Careful, though! The more tricks you publish on the 'net, the more hot guys that will know about it!

Haha, just kidding. There are no hot guys on the internet.

Men! Good grammar is like fresh breath and a clean shirt! Never go without it when you're impressing the ladies. Also, it can lead to some confusion...