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Attaching pepper spray to my cell phone is a surefire recipe for me accidentally blinding some poor innocent in a bar while I'm texting a friend.

Hey kids, have you heard about our brand-spanking-new site School of FAIL? You should check it out!

I was going to buy the phone to put it in my own aquarium so that my fish could use it BUT I GUESS IT WON'T BE SO MUCH FUN FOR MY FISH NOW.

I don't know, I think anyone with a strong preference for ironic and/or retro accessories would nab that right away.