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From the submitter:

I had a new phone number for several months, and it seemed to belong to a girl (probably hot). Then I received this.

Women attract, men mostly repel.

The man is a born social media promoter: few scruples, no conscience.

Text it <33

Johanaaaaaa doesn't want to hear about the music playing at a bar she isn't in anyway.

There's at least one mama out there who's desperate for some babies.

Drat, why does "Son" have to be so close to "Marriage Counselor" on my contacts list?

Whenever anyone says "it's me" via text, you can safely assume that he or she is over the age of 50 and has been texting for fewer than one year.

Not cool, dude. Not cool.

Hey girl, Imma say hi and add a pic of my smoldering gaze so you know I really mean it.