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But What Do You Think, Now That I Have Your Attention?

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By Unknown
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Drat, why does "Son" have to be so close to "Marriage Counselor" on my contacts list?

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It Only Took Two Hours to Forget the Hint

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By Unknown
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There's at least one mama out there who's desperate for some babies.

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I Meant Kneel in a Prayerful Sense

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By Unknown
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Didn't Know It Was That Kind of Sale

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Via pleated-jeans.com
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I Request That You Evacuate the Premises Immidiately

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By Unknown
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autocowrecks - joseph ducreux

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kathrynnimmo kathrynnimmo
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Not Your Girl, Bro

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By kathrynnimmo
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Not cool, dude. Not cool.

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Must Have Caught Some Crabs on His Disco Stick

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By Unknown
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Mobile Lady Player

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Via thepizzaqueen.tumblr.com
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I Never Take Dicks from Strangers

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Via zebrasandcupcakes.tumblr.com
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Don't Shoot the Messenger

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By Unknown
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Text it <33

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Uh Uh Okay Uh Ok

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By Unknown
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Practice Makes Perfect

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By Unknown
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Marie92 Marie92
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Officer Friendly

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By Marie92
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Let's hope that "bud" refers to "Budweiser" and not the "marih-joo-wanna" that the kids are so into these days.

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Tazekiel Tazekiel
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The Boundless Patience of Not-Drew

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By Tazekiel
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From the submitter:

Maybe I should have told them I was Optimus Prime....

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Things That Go Text in the Night

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Via www.reddit.com
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That... that would hurt, right?

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Slow Learner and a Repeat Offender

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By Unknown
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