A recent episode of Portlandia depicted the tender moments flashing before Carrie Brownstein's eyes as she drops her dearly beloved iPhone.

I don't think he understands how texting works... Or he's doing a really bad job at avoiding somebody.

Slapshots are the #2 cause of iPhone damage in Canada. The #1 cause is beavers.

3 is maple syrup spills.

Oh, so you're a funny guy, huh? You're about as hilarious as the last guy.

You drop that teenager once and it has a crack in it. Alternatively, old people are just downright STURDY.

I'm so retro, my only monthly plan is the price of stamps.

That poor sidewalk never stood a chance.

Rebooting is always your first step. ALWAYS. NO EXCEPTIONS.