breaking up

That awkward moment when you realize you've been on The Bachelorette this whole time...

I still remember how he let his urine sit in the toilet bowl until the bathroom smelled like rancid cheddar... its color a varying shade of yellow, depending on how many cups of cherry kool-aid he'd had that day. I MISS HIM SO MUCH.

Not even the gentle, soothing humor of an autocowreck can mend the hole where his heart used to be.

You're not even going to fight a little bit? Just to make me feel more desirable? Eff you.

Writing a message out is always classier than texting one. It's like the difference between sending an invitation to a fancy dinner party on a crisply embossed cream-colored card vs. an email featuring comic sans and clip art.

What I'm saying is that you can leave me if you must, but the xbox stays.